Reply to staying very close friends with an ex

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think it’s possible.  What happens when she gets a serious boyfriend or you get a serious girlfriend.  Someone somewhere isn’t going to be happy about your relationship with your ex.[/quote]

This is what happened to me- the new Gf didn’t like our friendship and he had to choose. I get it and stepped back and went no contact, but honestly it hurt more than any romantic breakup I have ever gone through[/quote]

Of course it did. Because either you weren’t over him or you both weren’t over each other. The new girlfriend wasn’t an idiot and figured this out. Good for her for holding a boundary on the issue. Your ex wasn’t choosing between a “friendship” with you and a relationship with her. He was choosing a relationship with one of you. Whether it was going to be you or her, there wasn’t room for both.

FYI I had a guy derail my life for a number of years because he pulled some nonsense like this. I consider both he and his ex to be really pathological because they both knew what they were doing and never should have pulled me into their unresolved issues. I’m older and wiser now. But they did some real damage to me.

[/quote]

I’m sorry you had a bad experience. I can only speak for mine and I was on the other side of this equations. I too am much older and wiser now.

As far as I’m concerned, the GF didn’t hold the boundary between my ex and I. She can’t. Boundaries are only for you, not for you to impose on others. She had a choice to stay or walk. She married him, so she clearly stayed.

He certainly didn’t uphold his end of the bargain to not contact me. I did. I said good bye and walked away. I didn’t take his calls anymore because I didn’t want to lie to his new GF about him calling me.

She never knew he still attempted to call me for months after I went no contact. They ended up getting married and divorce.

The thing is this guy would tell little insignificant lies all the time, but when he kept trying to contact me, I realized that sometimes those lies WERE significant. I truly think there are always signs, but sometiems we are so overwhelmed by the good feelings we don’t pay attention to them. I now pay attention.[/quote]

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