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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother has severe Parkinson’s but is pretty much all there mentally but physically frail and unable to stand or walk without danger of losing her balance. Her partner is 90 and may have mild dementia - he is pretty coherent but has long term memory issues and wanders.

[b]Her partner[/b] is very verbally abusive and has frequent outbursts of yelling and rage. He has also pushed her several times which is dangerous given her condition. Her care worker protects her from him. I don’t think the abuse is a result of dementia as he has kind of always been like this, it’s just worse now that he feels in less control with age.

I have just moved them into a smaller place and had to find a new care worker. Her new worker commented on how out of control his behavior is and also reported that he is yelling at her (the care worker) as well. In addition to the need to protect my mother I am also concerned we will lose care workers over this.

The problem is that my mother is very attached to this man (they have been together on and off for 30 years), very protective of him, and doesn’t want to be separated. She will literally defend him when he screams at her. She is also afraid of him (quivers with fear when he is angry etc).

[b]He has some money and there is a memory care facility nearby[/b] where in theory we could put him and she could visit him. But he certainly wouldn’t want to go to it and she wouldn’t want to put him there either. What are my options here and how do I deal with this?[/quote][/quote]

Is she married to him or are they just living together?  You mention his kids don't like him.  Do you have the ability to place him in a memory care facility?  Who would pay for the care?

I think you need to look out for your mom and your mom alone.  Maybe she needs to move to assisted living without him?  Or they could move to a place with both assisted and memory care and she can visits him on his floor.  But my suggestions are very expensive and may not be financially doable.[/quote]

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