Reply to When people say you still have feelings for your exH because you’re angry

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "When people say you still have feelings for your exH because you’re angry"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m a PP and for months my ex emotionally and verbally abused me. Insulted me over text, parenting app, confronted me at our kids’ games, cussed me out in public. He absolutely traumatized me. I didn’t know how to coparent with someone regularly putting me down and trying to make me feel worthless. No one put a stop to his behavior. His parents knew what he was doing, but they would ruefully say “this isn’t the son we raised.” His harmful words made me depressed, no doubt about it. Everyone told me to ignore and gray rock. But when all he would do is insult me it was hard to simply ignore that behavior. And, there was a power dynamic too, because I didn’t call him names back, and I had to respond to him about parenting issues. He was/ is going through a very dark stage of his life and he’s taking it out on me. When he leaves me alone I feel fine - I’m with friends, I work out, focus on the kids, etc. it’s the verbal sh** that gets to me. I feel when an ex is abusive and you talk about it with others, you’re talking not because of some lingering love or hope, but this hopelessness you feel knowing you have to raise children with someone who seems focused on hurting and devaluing you. It’s really f*** up. [/quote]

I feel this, PP. My almost-ex is the same. He simply cannot have a conversation about facts; there's always a thick layer of judgment and condescension and insults. It's impossible to troubleshoot or problem-solve, which makes "co-parenting" basically impossible. And even though I have full physical and legal custody, he continues to use visitation to abuse and harass me, will break court-ordered communication protocols, and violates basically any agreement he ever makes (but will RAGE if I need to adjust anything or make changes).

And yeah, there's a power dynamic. Grey rock is hard when you have to communicate with someone at least twice a week for the sake of your kids. It does feel hopeless, and it's hard to have any self-esteem when someone who was supposed to love you can't even treat you with basic decency.

I hope you find some peace. Stay strong, and ignore the haters. I get it: it's not love for him, it's survival for yourself. We vent because it's heavy af![/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics