Reply to When people say you still have feelings for your exH because you’re angry

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s true though.  You are expending energy on him, even if it is negative energy.  It’s fine to be annoyed at actions and things he does. But if you are angry enough that other people are telling you that you seem to be spending a lot of emotional energy on him, that is a sign that you aren’t ready to evict him from taking up mental space in your brain.

When thoughts of your ex, even annoying things he does, result in you just shrugging your shoulders with a “meh,” you will know what we mean.

If you’ve ever dated someone who always ranted about their ex, you might know what I mean.  It’s clear they aren’t over their ex.  You can’t be THAT angry and invested in the anger if you don’t care about them.

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Not OP, but this is absolutely not true when it's related to parenting. I couldn't care less about my children's father, I'd even wish him well, except that he stresses out my kids by - 
1. pressuring them academically in the worst way (like throwing a fit the morning of the first day of DD's high school and insisting my daughter write algebra flashcards - she cried she was so stressed out);
2. sabotages my attempts at reversing our son's prediabetic condition by pushing on him tons of sugar and refined carbs.
...and does innumerable similar things to make their lives harder. They don't like him. And they're accumulating enough resentment that they won't visit him once they're independent adults.

He's just an awful parent, but he looks good on paper. And while he's hurting my kids, yes, I certainly am allowed to have negative feelings about him.
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Me again. I wanted to add that I haven't shared much of this with my friends. I share some of what he's done to me, which is bad enough, but I don't go on about it. There's only so much consternation and sympathy my friends can express. They already know he has mental health issues and is a cruel person. I've learned to process this on my own. Sometimes I get together with a friend and can't help having a little cry, and since it's very rare, they're very supportive. But generally I can hold it together. I don't want to be a burden.

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