Reply to I Opened Pandora's Box

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[quote=Anonymous]DH on the other side of the coin; married twenty years - over the years had thought about one ex - first love - and was conscious that I had made trade-offs in marrying wife vs. relationship I had with first love. I knew my wife would be a great mom, homemaker, same nationality, similar views, etc. but never real interest in passion. Had some good times - financially very successful early in life - wife didn't have to work since 27; 2008 hit my business interests hard - very hard in fact but I believe in tenacity. Wife had to go to work to keep us going. I am very appreciative of that. She is/was very angry with me regarding the financials and because of/ and/or the resulting stress our sex life stopped; it has been a sexless marriage for 2 1/2 years. Now we have resentment on both sides - her at me for business cycle and me at her for lack of passion in the marriage. I am not without fault as during the boom years I was quite busy and quite demanding. It is also not about  about intercourse - it is the gentle caresses that I offer when i walk by that are rejected.

So, I reached out and contacted my first love. I had done so prior to 2008, just a couple of emails. I know my wife found them as during a fight she quoted from text in them. Short answer is that there is a part of me that knows I married right, and have a great family. The other part always wondered about my first love (there has always been a yearning in my heart) and feel that if my wife would only show me the slightest affection I would not be fantasying about first love. I suspect the DW on this site might flame me, but for better or worse cuts both ways. I've been wealthy since before I was 30 (through luck and hard work) and my wife had it pretty well (although we lived conservatively). We go through a rough patch, admittedly I made some business mistakes that were amplified by the 2008 crash, and  her anger is palpable. I do not think I can go through the rest of my life without sex. I think doing so is/will damage our relationship/intimacy.

I also think that, in my own case, given the passionate nature of my first love, that there was/is a biochemical reaction that occurred within my brain with respect to that first relationship. And I think that is why we see alot of these first love re-unions. I will tell you the pull is quite strong.

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