Reply to Were you ever investigated by CPS?

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Were you ever investigated by CPS?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother was. I have no idea why, but there could have been many reasons—I was both abused and neglected. I deflected completely when interviewed. Ultimately no one did anything to help me.[/quote]

I think a dentist tried to report my mom when I was a kid because of the signs of stress he saw in my teeth. I don't know if he went through with it or not. We changed dentists after he confronted my mom. I think if there'd been an investigation nothing would have come of it.

The thing is I was abused and neglected. I was hit regularly by both parents in anger and was afraid of my dad. I was also emotionally neglected (silent treatments and isolation for minor infractions like not cleaning my room or not eating what I was served for dinner). Screamed at daily. I remember being woken up in the middle of the night to do chores because my parents were angry the house wasn't clean. Just a really violent and home that didn't feel safe.

But I actually don't think anything my parents did would have been considered abuse by legal standards. I was fed and clothed and taken to school every day. When they hit us it was in the form of a spanking (though my dad used a belt regularly) or the kind of hit that would not show a mark. A lot of parents yell at their kids. I also know my parents would have persuasively argued that they didn't even do these things and I don't know that my siblings and I would have had it in us to contradict them. If we succeeded what do we win -- a foster care situation. I honestly think it was probably better for us to stay with our parents even though it sucked.

But as an adult I've been in therapy for years and have a lot of lasting effects of the abuse and neglect -- I have really low self esteem and have had suicidal ideation many times because I was told I was worthless and bad so much as a kid that it was really internalized. I have an overactive "freeze" response to stress or any kind of threat because that was the only way for me to handle the abuse as a kid (I'd just kind of mentally check out and be still and hope they didn't notice me or lost interest). A few years ago I was repeatedly sexually assaulted by a work supervisor and I just froze each time it happened and acted like it was fine because that's instinctually how I respond to an authority figure doing something to me. Like I just have a lot of mental health issues.

But it was basically legal. Because the courts will generally allow parents to do "corporal punishment" the hitting likely would not have risen to the level where my parents could be prosecuted even though I lived in fear of their rages. Some of the emotional abuse might have been an issue but it would have been their word against mine and I don't think people would have believed me. In fact one of the effects of the abuse is that I never think people will believe me and I have this idea that if I complain about abusive behavior (like that supervisor) people will assume I'm making it up or exaggerating.

I think this is how most child abuse works -- essentially legal because there is no way to enforce laws against it if it's below a certain threshold (generally kids showing up to school with visible injuries or going to the hospital with a severe injury). Both my parents had untreated mental illness (likely the result of their own abusive childhoods) and I guess I'm glad it never got bad enough that they maimed or killed me. But it was not a good childhood.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics