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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DD is 9 and primarily does sports that are individual or have very specific roles for players.

She tried a new sport this summer and loves it. She has a lot of improvement to make and is one of the smaller and younger kids, but she has a great sense of how to move the ball and is a scrappy defender plus has had some success finding opportunities to score when on offense.

All that being said, she is majorly struggling with the interpersonal part of team ball sports. She is not loud or assertive, and comes home from games raging because the coach gave a plan x to the team but two other really loud, aggressive girls screamed at DD to follow plan y. They yelled “pass pass pass” before DD even had the ball and on one occasion even stole the ball from DD. She felt like she never had a chance to do the job assigned to her by the coach and that her teammates were mad at her for not doing a job that they made up for her (and didn’t want to do themselves).

DD couldn’t figure out how to alert the coach to conflicting instructions, stand up for herself, etc all while simultaneously playing. She was furious with herself for not being one of the “popular, bossy girls” and also mad because some of their selfish plays cost the team scoring opportunities in a tight loss.

I already talked my DD through this with a big focus on the fact that she can’t control others, can’t rely on teammates to play as a team until they’re all much older and experienced, and might also need to be more assertive herself if she wants to get turns.

But how should a girl actually navigate this dynamic without alienating other girls and still trying to improve at the sport? At her age, talent and play making still don’t seem important, and everything is size and bossiness.[/quote]

At that age, just do what you can to get better.  Competence pretty much trumps everything else other than being the coaches kid.[/quote]

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