Reply to Will it be normal for 36 year old to Still live at home

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[quote=Anonymous]I think it's highly dependent on circumstances especially the relationships involved. I don't know whether it's useful to ask what is "normal." Living arrangements are personal and there's no one way to do it. Some people think it's normal or even expected for elderly parents to move in with their kids and grandkids while others think that's a nightmare. So it just depends.

To me the fact that the adult child has a job and is focused on saving is a good sign. When I think of adults living with their parents where it's clearly NOT a good idea a major issues is always financial dependence and child just never taking control of their own finances or supportint themselves. I have a BIL in this situation and it's maddening and as my ILs age it has started to feel almost predatory. But if you are talking about an adult with a job who is financially responsible and socking money away you've already addressed one of my major concerns.

I know enough single women in their late 30s and early 40s to not be very surprised by one who is not actively dating. It's rough out there. I know a number of women in this age range who decided to basically "go passive" regarding dating in their late 30s because the experience of online dating is so miserable and they'd been dating for so long. Often this decision follows a LT relationship that fizzles and they are just tired. There is also often an acceptance that they won't have kid or even an active decision that they don't want kids. Choosing to take the pressure off of finding a partner can be a huge quality of life improvement for these women. Who wants to spend literal decades looking for a husband. This is the most "normal" thing about this scenario.

As for not wanting to find a friend to room with -- this is just not a thing past 35 at the latest. Perhaps it should be given the cost of housing but it's not. Even if the woman in question was open to this it would be hard to find a friend who wanted a roommate situation at this age. There is just a point in life where it feels exhausting to share a living space with someone who is neither related to you nor married to you. As with dating this is likely an experience she has had plenty of during college and in her 20s and she may just be tired of it. I actually also think socially people would look down on a 30-something with a roommate more than someone living with their parents. Perhaps that doesn't make sense but I think culturally there is less stigma to living with parents than roommates. I remember when I was still living with roommates in my late 20s I encountered some people who thought I was too old for it.

Here are the questions I'd ask to see if this was healthy: do the parents and adult child have good and appropriate boundaries? does the adult child have a social life (friends and hobbies) that are rewarding and separate from the parents? Does the adult child contribute properly to the household via utilities and cleaning and purchasing food and other household items? Does anyone involved in this scenario feel like they are being taken advantage of?

If everyone involved has good boundaries and is self-sufficient and contributing to the household and no one is mad about it this seems fine to me. And could actually be preferable to alternatives like being unable to save because she's paying rent on her own or having to live with a roommate she doesn't like or dealing with a lengthy commute.[/quote]

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