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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It made me extremely self-reliant and resilient. I do not expect that anyone would do anything for me. I often feel responsible for others' wellbeing though. I have always deep and long lasting friendships. I'm a pretty happy and joyful person. The upside of having zero expectations towards others is that I am never disappointed and always feel gratitude for the people in my life. I did pick a partner who is rather avoidant too. So two avoidants together has it's challenges. [/quote]

Similar experience here. My father was incredibly physically abusive and into all sorts of vices. Thankfully he abandoned us in my teens. My mother reacted by becoming an addict, a fairly severe one. Homeless when I was 18, I was able to go to university on athletic scholarship. My brother did the same thing. We raised each other. About 20 years of age I had zero expectations from either of them. My brother and I obtained excellent educations at top schools and went on to success. My parents were not in the least educated and our achievements (we paid for them ourselves) only caused additional estrangement. I didn’t speak to my father the last 40 years of his life. I used to process both of them as intellectually deficient but that was not accurate. They just made bad decisions. Rare for the time period, both of my grandparents were well off so they had no excuse. We lived in a 1000 sq foot house my grandfather purchased but their thing was belonging to fancy country clubs. When dues were owing they hit my grandparents up. No concern for our education or welfare. They had no idea of my college major and didn’t care.

My father was an excellent athlete but lazy and inclined to criminal acts. He lied big time about his athletic accomplishments - even in his obituary. More talented than my brother and me but way too lazy and poorly disciplined. All three of us were NCAA D1 finalists- but he was eligible for only a year. I used to laugh at his waste of talent - a reaction to him beating me and calling me fat dumb and lazy.

Yes there were missing pieces in terms of emotional IQ. I watched people who had their act together and tried to learn. Always a work in progress. You sound more grateful than I am, but I work on it. [/quote]

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