Reply to Ugh- text from my daughter at lunch

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was your daughter, OP. My mom’s attitude toward me was essentially tough love, and it hurt me terribly. It was much more painful to think my mom thought I just needed to buck up and be brave than it was to eat alone.

Someday your daughter will build enough confidence and skills to ask to sit with strangers at lunch. That isn’t today. Just make sure she knows you think she is wonderful just as she is, and she’ll figure it out. And she will![/quote]

I was the same way and for a long time internalized shame around the idea that it was all my fault I had no friends and I felt like my mom was judging me for it.

In this situation, I wonder if it would help to collaborate with her to figure out a plan for lunch that does not require her to approach other kids, but also doesn’t make her feel embarrassed for eating alone. Like, is there an activity she can do? Could she take a walk outside and listen to a podcast? Could she bring a book or a kindle or a video game to play over lunch?

In my case, pushing me to talk to people only made me feel like more of a loser and it would have been more empowering to think about how to use that time in a way that did not require me to do something I found deeply miserable (talking to strangers or kids I barely knew).[/quote]

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