Reply to If your marriage is a sham, do your friends know?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If your marriage is a sham, do your friends know?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My partner asked for a divorce a year ago.  I asked to work on things, but she’s been very half hearted in her efforts (we are both women).  We have almost no conflict, but also almost no connection—she’s an introvert who loves the outdoors so she spends lots of time alone.  I think she’s just over me and the marriage.

I think we will likely end up divorced, but I really do want to make it work for our kid.  I would hate to see her only 50% of her childhood.  Ugh.  For now, I feel like I’m delaying the inevitable so that I can have a few more months or years giving my kid a childhood in one home.

Most of my friends think we have a great relationship.  They idealize the same sex marriage model because we really do split parenting and household stuff pretty equally.

I feel so lonely and dishonest with my friends because they don’t know about the biggest stressor in my life.  [/quote]

The mental yoga in this post is extreme.

1) When someone wants to leave, you let them. Why would you want to be with someone who didn't want to be with you (and what does that model for your kid?)
2) She's avoiding you with her hobbies, which is super polite of her. She doesn't owe you any effort to work on a relationship she wants to leave.
3) Kids aren't stupid. A loveless marriage is a stressor all around, and kids pick up on that. It's not "for the kid" at all.
4) A childhood in one home that's happy and functional is a luxury. A childhood in one home with parents who dislike each other is a nightmare, whether or not there's active, volatile conflict. You have a 'broken home' already, and nobody dies from this. But kids do notice, and pretending it's all great under your roof is gaslighting your kid, not protecting them.
5) Most of your friends don't know what's going on, so how they idealize your pinterest-perfect version (the lie you're selling). They're also stupidly biased; same-sex relationship fail rates are comparable to the hets.
6) You feel so dishonest because you're being dishonest. Lies of omission are lies. You're lonely because you can't connect honestly with your friends.

Start by telling yourself some hard truths, and then come clean to the people who love you and care about you. You're as sick as your secrets, OP.

Heal up, for your kid's sake.[/quote]

Are your parents together, pp?[/quote]

Not that it matters to this thread, but yes, for over 50 years now. [/quote]

So you have no special insight that, actually, children would rather their parents divorced?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics