Reply to If your marriage is a sham, do your friends know?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My partner asked for a divorce a year ago.  I asked to work on things, but she’s been very half hearted in her efforts (we are both women).  We have almost no conflict, but also almost no connection—she’s an introvert who loves the outdoors so she spends lots of time alone.  I think she’s just over me and the marriage.

I think we will likely end up divorced, but I really do want to make it work for our kid.  I would hate to see her only 50% of her childhood.  Ugh. [b] For now, I feel like I’m delaying the inevitable so that I can have a few more months or years giving my kid a childhood in one home.

Most of my friends think we have a great relationship.  They idealize the same sex marriage model because we really do split parenting and household stuff pretty equally.

I feel so lonely and dishonest with my friends because they don’t know about the biggest stressor in my life. [/b] [/quote]

I think it is reasonable to prioritize maintaining the family structure for your child over what friends think. I would let go of that. But if the big issue here is that you need support and feel you can't talk to your friends about it, I say go ahead and do so -- you should be able to get support without worrying about their idealization (fetishization?) of same sex marriage as some utopia. Alternatively, seek therapy -- it is such a relief to have someone to talk to about this kind of stuff and get the support you need without any of the issues that come up with friendships, including the one you cite. If you can find a therapist who specializes in supporting LGBTQ+ clients, even better. [/quote]

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