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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The biggest source of contention with my in-laws is when they have expectations for how, when, and where we spend time together as a family and don’t consult me to see if that is how I want to spend my time, energy, and money. It feels so disrespectful to not be consulted, particularly because I run the household, the calendar, the kids activities, and pay all the bills. [b]Don’t assume that just because you asked your adult child that they have discussed it with their spouse.[/b] Don’t make the couple feel guilty if they say no to a request. Your DIL or SIL may have different values and prioritize their time and commitments differently than you do. Accept them as they are, not how you want them to be. [/quote]

This is 100% a husband issue.  I'm not judging, as we've been to therapy over how my DH's family treats me.  In any case, I've learned to hold a very firm line.  If you get on the same page with your DH and he manages his parents appropriately, this problem will go away.

I've had to direct my ILs to coordinate with their son directly.  If we decline to do something, I know they'll respect the message more if it comes from him.  Their family also has horrible communication skills, and I'm not dealing with lousy dynamics that I didn't create.  [/quote]

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