Reply to At what point is a teen "spoiling the nest" (before college) going too far?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are living this right now as well.
Rules we have put in place.
If she can't  pick up sibling such that I need to do it, there is no using the car that day.  
If clothes are not put away, we do not "give back" clean clothes that somehow found the way into the hall hamper.
We sat down and spoke about financial expectations - my DD decided not to work this summer - fine - we are not providing spending $ beyond the small allowance that she has always had. Not giving money for gifts for friends birthday gifts, starbucks habit etc.  
When she decided not to get a job, I wrote on a piece of paper the agreement and she signed it.  Is is taped up on the wall so we are all on the same page.[/quote]

She has a job at the country club and saves every cent. She has a lot of money for her age in the bank. And she constantly picks up shifts to make more money. It's also a convenient excuse for everything. I can't do ___, gotta work. Sorry I didn't do ___, so tired from work.

If we consider punishing her, we get guilt tripped that she had good grades and has a job and we don't know how lucky we are. Other parents often tell us this. Can't win.[/quote]
You just say, "No car if you can't help out with picking up the siblings. Can't get to your job?  oh well. If you want the privilege of using the car to get to work, you need to contribute to drop off/pick ups.  You can do the pick up even if you're tired.  When you're an adult, and you have responsibilities, you still do them even if you're tired"

As for cleaning her room, just how messy is it?   She is going to have "clean" her room when she packs up for college.  If she doesn't want to clean her room now, don't clean it for her.  My only issue with that is the vent in the room will pick up the dust from her room and spread it around the house. That's why I make our kids dust their rooms.

You can tell her that if she doesn't clean her room, when she goes off to college, you will clean her room for her, with garbage bags.[/quote]

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