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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I have an awful, toxic mother who is now in a nursing home with some dementia.

You need boundaries.  It's hard.  Sincerely, talk to a therapist who will help you create boundaries, validate and affirm they are needed, and hold you accountable to keeping them and remind you why you have them if you waver.  Which you will sometimes because it's hard.

I visit once a year and call one day a week.  That's it.  She does not have my phone number to reach me.  The staff calls me with updates and as needed.  She is somewhere safe and she is very well cared for. That's my obligation and where it starts and ends.  I am not obligated to allow this person to have a hold over any part of my emotional life or well being.  Neither are you.[/quote]

Op here- I actually love this. I have a therapist but she doesn’t help me explicitly with setting and keeping boundaries, although I could definitely ask her to do so in more specific detail.

I am religious (Catholic) and have a hard time not being altruistic and helping and putting myself first. I know Biblically why this is wrong, but it’s still long engraved behavior that haunts me and comes back often.

I would be so thankful if my mom didn’t have my cell phone number as it upsets me (despite everything) to get weird, accusing, and mean texts from her at all hours. Maybe I should block her? But I feel so bad doing that. Definitely a therapist conversation to be had.

Thanks so much for your thoughtful responses, for defending me from other posters, and (most importantly) for sharing your understanding of what I am doing through. None of my friends can relate to this struggle as I am early 40s (mom had me late in life). [/quote]

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