Reply to Would you consider having a revenge affair/ fling if your spouse had an affair and you decided to stay together?

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Reply to "Would you consider having a revenge affair/ fling if your spouse had an affair and you decided to stay together?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No.

When my husband cheated, my high school sweetheart was newly single. He gets in touch every few years with some kind of special memory. I blocked him on SM to remove the temptation to reach out to him.

And to be honest, I wasn't too concerned about my husband's feelings at that time. But I knew that affairs are selfish, short-sighted, and destructive. Why would I do that to myself or to my imaginary AP? The endorphins would be brief, but the consequences would be long.

Ten years later, I know I made the right decision. If I want to be with someone else, I'll open my marriage, end my marriage, or work through those feelings some other way. But cheating is just a short term high with long-lasting harm.[/quote]

I get what you’re saying but I don’t think anyone would consider a one night fling with a hot ex to be “cheating” in that scenario. And leveling the playing field could have real psychological benefits for some. I’m just talking about a fling, not a full on affair. [/quote]

You're responding to me. You mention potential psychological benefits . . . I suppose you mean in the self-esteem department? Thankfully, that was not an issue for me. My spouse's desire to have sex with someone else was about his own biology and psychology. It had nothing to do with whether I was hot or worthy. The fact that I removed a temptation showed that I already believed I was hot and worthy. If that was impacted by my husband being a sexual creature susceptible to temptation, or whether or not I could get someone to sleep with me (duh, of course I could), then it wasn't based on anything of substance.

I highly doubt that 100% of people believe that a revenge fling is not cheating. That is way too high. I don't know of any great philosophers who preach that two wrongs make a right. Now do I think my spouse would have accepted a revenge affair? Quite possibly. I think he would have felt enough shame and guilt to stay with me despite it. But again, it would have been lots of mess and hurt for a very momentary bit of fun. Just because he did the same thing first doesn't change those realities. 
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