Reply to Are there ramifications for being a SAHM?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do what you want and what feels good for you in your relationship.

I always liked working. I derive satisfaction from working. I didn't derive much satisfaction from being a full time mom (which I essentially did for 3 years - though always was technically employed at the time, for purposes of keeping my resume fresh).

I hear a lot of women on this forum say that their husbands always continued to treat them as the same equal when they stayed home.  That's great! [b]In my case, I don't think I'd ever be attracted to the kind of guy who had the same respect for a sahm wife as he would have for a working wife. [/b]Because honestly that means he probably didn't put a whole lot of value in the accomplishments of a working wife. I have accomplished a lot in my career and education. It really is harder and more interesting than baby raising. So if a guy was like "my opinions of you won't change based on whether you continue working or not"..... . that's kind of weird, and not the guy for me.  Consequently, my DH is very attracted to my professional success; we definitely weren't as connected or have the same energy when I wasn't working. But again - your DH and your relationship may be different, so you do you. [/quote]

This is sad to me and I have a career. It’s sad for a few reasons including that you’re likely over the age of 35 and still think your career is that important in the grand scheme of things. I work for a few reasons but primarily for income and can’t imagine my DH thinking me pushing papers around and sending emails is really more important than my role raising children. This view also diminishes what has traditionally been a woman’s job since the beginning of time. It suggests that the only way you add value is if you have what was traditionally a man’s job. Bringing a life into this world and raising it isn’t enough for you. Instead you need to work for a corporation and send emails. Kind of gross. I think our nanny’s job is incredibly important and don’t think my job is more important or better than being the mother to my children. 
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Ditto.

DH and I decided we valued having a parent at home for the first few years. That was what we both had. He said he'd be willing to do it if I didn't want to but I did. Plus his tech career was less forgiving of a break. I don't think I'd have been comfortable stopping work 100%. I was fortunate to be able to do freelance work regularly during my years at home. It was never a lot, a project or two per quarter, but I also never really tried to look for work. Just let my colleagues and current and former job know I'd be available and they called.

Had no trouble returning to a FT job when my youngest was in kindergarten. I'm really glad I took that break. It was a great phase of life and wonderful memories.

FWIW, we've also had times in our marriage when DH was unemployed and we lived on my salary. Through it all, money is "ours" and we both contribute in different ways over time.

My main advice is to find a way to keep a hand in. Freelance if you can, see if you can cut back to part time. Or, even if you aren't working, regularly keep in touch with colleagues. One of my friends is a lawyer who took a 6+ year break. Through it all she lunched a few times a year with a partner at her old firm. When her youngest started K he asked her to come back. Those connections matter.
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