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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP my mom is quite a piece of work too. Do you know what meds she is on? I would consult with the team about whether they need to be adjusted. If she only behaves that way with you and behaves well otherwise. might be best to not agitate her. You can hire someone to check in and make sure she is well cared for if she will behave better for that person. If she is agitated with everyone, discuss meds adjustment.

If she only became that way over time, then keep your visits very short.[/quote]

Thank you. To all who posted.  I was not in a good place yesterday. I will check about the meds and her demeanor with others. I was really sad because my child was with us and saw the whole thing so I don't think I can ever take the kids with me again.  [/quote]

I glad you are in a better place. You are far wiser than I was. I kept taking the kids as a buffer. It did a lot of damage. I should have pulled away faster and hired an advocate for her. She behaved for the advocate. I kept hoping meds or shorter visit or distractions or whatever would do the trick. Talking to eldercare experts, it's this taboo topic, but sometimes with dementia, they cannot be around particular loved ones without triggering awful behavior. Absolutely see if meds need to be adjusted and try different tricks, but if none of it works and you are a trigger (by no fault of your own), there is no shame is stepping back and allowing a professional to do the checking and advocating if you can afford it. To be honest, they know a lot more about what to look for, what to ask for and how to negotiate. I knew someone who's mom was really well-behaved and sweet and they got an advocate just to be an extra set of eyes and she knew about things to ask, that would have never occurred to them.[/quote]

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