Reply to Sister said I’m a flawed mom

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[quote=Anonymous]Sadly she sounds stupid, and so do you, for the moment, but at least you see it and she doesn't, so there's hope for you.

She confuses morality with competence. There is no good vs. bad here. Couching life and personalities in those terms is a recipe for anger, resentment, shame and guilt, none of which will get you to your goals.

A. You want to reframe your self-introspection as: which parenting methods are effective and which ones are not. 
1. Different kids need different parenting methods. What works for one kid may not work for the other. 
2. What's often overlooked is: not every parent can utilize every parenting method. You are born with certain traits, and some methods will work better for you as a parent. You have to find that sweet spot where your way of disciplining and caregiving meets your child's needs.
3. Your methods have to evolve with your kid. What they need in early elementary won't be what they need as tweens and teens.

B. Behavior problems: do your research so that you come at this with a lot more knowledge. What behavior problems? Are they within the range of normal, and can they be addressed with a better sleep schedule, good nutrition, less screentime, more effective discipline? Or are they indicators of ADHD, high-functioning autism, anxiety, depression, etc, which need evaluations and treatment, and for which your child can benefit from services and accommodations from the school? You have the internet. Use it. You can ask your child's pediatrician, and school counselor and teacher. Find reputable sources and read from multiple ones to corroborate what you find.

Do not let anyone shame you. Lift the discussion away from the low-IQ level of "bad vs. good mother". That's a recipe for disaster.
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