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[quote=Anonymous]Hi Op, I'm so sorry. This was me last year with my 5 year old, it was so hard! We got an ADHD diagnosis around this time and medication for us has been a game changer, so I do feel like I should share that. Therapy, neurofeedback, diet changes, all didn't help much (therapy was still worthwhile for parent coaching, not saying drop it but it didn't solve the violence problem at all). The other thing that helped us was parent coaching -- doing the live parent child journey course with Dan Shapiro was healthy for my husband and I during this time. It isn't because you are causing it or it is your parenting, it is because when you have a child with these additional needs and this type of dysregulation you have to be basically SUPER parents. You have to learn extra skills because the regular basic ones don't tend to work.

https://www.parentchildjourney.com/

Taking the course together was good for our parenting relationship together, and good to build some tools. And methylphenidate was the right medication for my son that really helped him not get to this state of dysregulation most of the time. He still has moments but they are wayyyy fewer and farther in between.

A couple concrete things - try not to teach in the moment of dysregulation. Trying to teach and say you can't do this, you can't do that in the moment just escalates things for us and they don't learn anything at all when their brains and nervous systems are in that space. keep your other kids safe, remove child if necessary but if you can at all not use physical ways to do this in our case we ended up realizing that was wildly escalating things. And if we could let the feeling pass without letting our own feelings about it get intwined it passed much quicker. And then we could talk about what is safe, practice strategies for the next time etc when more calm. [/quote]

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