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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m ^^ and why would you be embarrassed? We have bodies and desires. I also read both 2023 Pulitzer Prize winners. We can be multifaceted.[/quote]

I've been thinking about your question. Embarrassment is maybe not the right word. dislike? discomfort? disdain?

i think it is a combination of:
1-book snobbery. this has been the main identity that has stayed constant for me all my life. my closest friends, spouse, child name etc all came to me via my love of books. beside my bed, i have two piles of books. the books i want to read and the ones i actually am reading. suddenly, i feel like the coffee gourmand who is hooked on instant. If, like you, i was reading both types of books, I would just accept this as one of my tastes. But it is the only taste I have these days. Bleh. 
2-my other great love is for self-pity. i feel like i am obsessing over the one thing I don't have. i've been so fortunate in so many areas of my life, fixating on this aspect of life feels like a determination to be unhappy. It's a little horrifying to me, to imagine this as anything but a temporary hormonal phase i am going through. Because i will never stop picking at that hurt.
3-like any other 40 something mom, i am crucified by work/child raising/domestic drudgery. spending the little bit of disposable time and attention that i do have, on emotional junk food (for me, anyway) results in me spending the rest of my day brooding on rubbish instead of say, poetry.

Am not judging anyone else. Obviously.

Thanks for responding everyone! And please keep the recommendations coming. [/quote]

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