Reply to Rant: “you look amazing”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just let it go. You probably don't look all that amazing.But people are trying to be nice to you.

Why don't you say something like thanks, I don't feel so amazing and tell them how you Are actually doing[/quote]

I did this and people just glide right past it. "But you LOOK great!" and no follow up questions about why you don't actually feel very good.

I feel like I had to fight really hard to get my postpartum depression treated in part because everyone around me seemed to just assume I was blissfully happy and didn't believe me when I told them, directly, I was really struggling. They couldn't hear it.[/quote]

This is the real issue. People don't want to acknowledge or alleviate other people's suffering. [/quote]

Yup, and the people complaining that OP is being unfair because "people are just trying to be nice" are mad because what OP is actually asking for is genuine emotional support from her loved ones during a difficult time. And they want to be able to say "You look amazing!" because they think that's what all new moms want to hear, and then leave and not think about that person anymore.

A lot of people have just abandoned the idea that a new mother needs to be cared for in a special way. This used to be part of our cultural story but we've dropped it in favor of the new mom who "bounces back" and doesn't need any special attention or support. She's pumping milk at th office, she's back at the gym as soon as her doctor clears her, she's having sex with her husband as soon as the stitches heal. That's our modern image of new motherhood -- fit and happy and productive, but with a cool new baby accessory!

That's not how it feels for a lot of us and it sucks that this is the expectation.[/quote]

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