Reply to Equitable/reasonable division of care among siblings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, can you talk to the other sibling? They might think the Helpful Sibling is doing too much, taking on too much, stepped in when it wasn't 100% needed. Some siblings want to step in more than others at early stages.[/quote]

Yes, everyone has talked with the unhelpful sibling—as a group, and individually.

Nobody stepped in too early/when help wasn’t needed.

The most helpful sibling isn’t controlling or doing anything that isn’t necessary.

I guess we are just stumped as to how the unhelpful sibling can justify leaving the work to the rest of us. I’m trying to get them involved and to realize they might be cut out from the family. At some point I won’t be able to fix things for the unhelpful one. I’m sad that the kids/cousins will be impacted by this. [/quote]

If you don’t want to do the work, then don’t.  No one is forcing you to.  Threatening to “cut them from the family” just makes you a bunch of bullies.  [/quote]

I don’t think you understand the reality.

When all the siblings are routinely talking to each other to coordinate care, check on grandma, and help each other out, there is a natural connection and support system. When you abdicate all responsibilities and always say you can’t help, then people stop asking…even your siblings.

I’m trying to get the unhelpful one to do something…anything…so they aren’t labeled the jerk who doesn’t appreciate all we are doing and refuses to help.

I’ll have zero control over invitations to my helpful sibling’s vacation home. Since they are the primary caregiver, they’ll have grandma. Since the helpful siblings are routinely helping out and in regular communication—not to mention stepping in to provide respite care—we will end up together.

It’s human nature to be mad at your selfish sibling who won’t help you when you ask and are constantly told no.

I guess the moral of the story is to not be a jerk? Pitch in and help. Don’t abandon your loved ones and expect them to treat you well.

I haven’t given up yet. I’m still hoping they will come around.

I can report my kids notice that the unhelpful one is MIA. It’s that obvious. At least my kids are learning a valuable lesson: treat others the way you want to be treated. [/quote]

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