Reply to Friend getting in my last nerve!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a friend who I am very close with who is driving me insane. I need advice on how to approach this issue. My friend is a great friend in many ways and treats my family great and is basically an adopted family member at this point.

The problem with my friend is that he is super needy emotionally. On the flip side he is also very emotionally available as a friend and always there for you when you need him. it’s just that he needs me waaaaay more than I need him. He is constantly expressing his feelings to me and I’m emotionally drained. it’s stuff like….when you did this, I felt this. he constantly seeks high forms of intimacy and reminds me that I’m not being available to him enough. I’m a parent and have a busy job and in general have much more on my plate than him. In addition I’m an introvert and just naturally don’t desire the level of closeness he is always pressuring me about.

How would you approach this?[/quote]

I'd get therapy. Folx on this thread are telling you to suggest that to your friend, but I think you're the one who really needs it. "I statements" like you used as an example are mentally-healthy behaviors. "When you ____ I feel ____" is therapy work. Since you can identify that your friend is reciprocal, and "very emotionally available as a friend", maybe look at how you know that? What sort of mess have you dumped on this person, who stepped up to the plate and became "basically and adopted family member at this point"? And now you're mad because he's... "expressing his feelings"?

You sound toxic and rather emotionally stunted, OP. "I'm an introvert and just naturally don't desire the level of closeness" because you're a parent and have a busy job all sounds like a lot of stoic excusemaking.

Live how you want to live, but don't blame your friends for being better connected to their feelings and treating you like you could be, too.[/quote]

OP does sound connected to their feelings, though.  Probably OP needs therapy for getting into and remaining in a codepedent relationship with someone who guilt trips them for having boundaires, though.  But stating you don't have emotional capacity IS being aware of your feelings.

You can't demand that someone be 'reciprocal'.  That's not how it works.[/quote]

You shouldn't have to "demand" reciprocity. Decent people don't take more than they're willing to give.[/quote]

But she's not taking anything.
I'm a pp and for example I would move heaven and earth to spend a Saturday evening with my friend. Then next weekend he would want to do the same and I can't because husband, small kids. I just saw you last weekend. And he'd get upset that I wasn't making him a priority. Again, we JUST saw each other. I realize that you have no responsibilities but I do! And he'd say "I feel rejected/like I'm not important to you" [/quote]

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