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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People keep trying to make pda happen but in its current form it is so weird and honestly toxic. If you join any of the parent groups you’ll see they all use it as an excuse to literally let their kid avoid everything based on this theory - you have kids not going to school ever, not leaving the house etc etc. needs better definition [/quote]

We know a family who has labeled their child this without ever having properly parented them. They never say no to the child, let them get out of any uncomfortable situation. I’m not even a very strict parent and I see how much damage they’ve done to them. We are close neighbors and have been for years and have known the kid since they were very small. I feel sad for the family. While I do assume that this diagnosis does exist for some, I don’t think it’s the case for them. [/quote]

You are not an expert, you only have an opinion. You have no idea what people are dealing with behind closed doors. I'm sure people would say similar things about your SN child (assuming you are not just trolling)[/quote]

Not trolling. And we have spent many many many hours with this family over the years. They are the most permissive parents I’ve ever met. The kid wasn’t always like this, they have grown into this behavior. Also I've been alone with the kid and they’re completely fine with me, even doing non preferred activities. I know I’m not an expert, but I know what I’ve seen. [/quote]

I immediately thought “which of my neighbors posted this?”

The kid is fine because they are masking. They are using all mental energy to hold it together.

Home is a safe space where the mask come off and the kid explodes like a soda that’s been shaken.[/quote]

I hope you’ve consulted with an actual behavioral expert trained at a place like KKI. Removing all discipline is not the answer, nor is “masking.” [b]Demand avoidance by definition cannot be “pathological” if the child can handle demands in other settings.[/b] There’s something specifically happening at home to trigger it. That’s not to deny that each environment is different, but there’s a great deal you can do to change the way demands are made to be successful. [/quote]

I'm not sure where you are getting this definition.  Pathological means "being such to a degree that is extreme, excessive, or markedly abnormal" or "extreme in a way that is not normal or that shows an illness or mental problem".  It doesn't mean "avoids [the thing] 100% of the time".

I've found it most helpful to view PDA through the lens of a cumulative nervous system disability - demands, or any loss of autonomy, trigger the body's fight/flight/freeze/fawn system.  And it is cumulative, meaning ones' threshold for tolerance may allow a child to get through a school day using freeze/fawn (masking), but by the time they get home to a safer space, additional demands trigger the more extreme fight or flight reactions.[/quote]

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