Reply to Family Entitlement and How to Deal with It?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I relate to so much. I guess I'm trying to sound out where to be in terms of obligations versus sanity. We ended up living far from both sets of relatives due to our jobs, so we had to carve out a life for ourselves. It was difficult not knowing anyone and no help at all. While distance has been one thing, they certainly could have interacted more, but they didn't and they retired early. They were "busy". We finally feel like we're over the hill and now this. I guess we're at the point where other grandkids are adults (my brother's youngest recently turned 18) and the reality and panic is setting in. BIL seems to have difficulties dealing with his own "empty nest". And yes, rewriting of history happens every time we interact. I often wish we didn't have 24/7 communication opportunities, people seemed to manage better not too long ago. [/quote]

Sanity comes first. You find your own balance. There will be those on DCUM who try to guilt trip and shame you and others who say to cut off and those in between. You find your boundaries and sometimes it helps to get therapy to deal with the push back you get on those boundaries. If they have money throw it where you can to ensure they have good care. An inheritance isn't worth much if you lose your own health.

My take on how things used to be is elder care still did people in even without the elder in the home. It was about whether the elder was difficult or even abusive.My parents and friend's parents are more insistent on aging in place and while they were hands off/leave me alone and don't come home until night parents, they expect us to be there at the drop of a hat. Also, people didn't live as long. In my family, the more difficult and abusive, the longer you live and the more dramatic emergencies, some of which aren't even emergencies-same in DH's family.[/quote]

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