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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think "raising winners" is a smart goal. In part because of what people have mentioned on here -- how do you instill grit and determination, especially if you have provided your kids' with a pretty privileged life thanks your own success (or unearned privilege, depending on the situation)? [b]I think people who are very hard on their privileged kids run the risk of alienating them completely and making them not even want their lifestyle. [/b]It's this very hard line to walk and also children are different and you never know how one will react compared to another.

If you make "winning" your goal, I think there are too many things that can go wrong. I understand wanting children who will be self-sufficient, goal-oriented, and successful. Everyone wants this for their children to some degree or another. But thinking of it as "winning" puts a lot of pressure on it that I think will steer you strong.

But I do believe, supported by both evidence from my own life, observation of others, and psychological studies, that people do best in life when they feel comfortable in their own skin, accepted and loved by their support system, and feel like they have agency in they own lives. Is this the way to make an investment banker? Probably not, no. But if you can love and support your kids, provide firm boundaries and guidance, and allow them independence to be their own people, I think you have the best shot at them becoming adults who will be able to set and achieve their goals (or recalibrate when necessary in the face of failure, instead of melting down)

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THIS! I live in Mclean and the number of "failure to launch" adult children around me who had helicopter/tiger parents who pushed pushed pushed them and then just... burned out to a fizzle in college/post-grad is pretty significant. Lots of them lost any sense of intrinsic motivation and resent their parents for pushing them so hard. [/quote]

DP here. Also live in McLean. We have many neighbors, friends and acquaintances who are academically and professionally successful who have kids who are not. My kids are still young so I don’t know how they will turn out. My oldest seems to be on the right trajectory with ambition and strong work ethic. My middle child is smart but not hard working.

Most people we know are successful so the bar is high. We moved from a low SES neighborhood to McLean. In my kids’ circles and classes, many parents are ivy educated and likely earn seven figures. What we consider average is probably still high compared to the rest of the country. Their friends’ parents are lawyers, doctors, executives, successful business owners, entrepreneurs, etc.

What I have been seeing is more kids who go to top colleges and seem to not have a job or not a very good job. We live in a neighborhood with houses that have 15,000sf houses. Several adult kids seem to live home. I don’t know if this is the norm around here. I never went back home after I went to college. My one acquaintance friend told me to never let them move back or they may never move back out again.[/quote]

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