Reply to Amazing DD has become a monster at age 13

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Interesting to read the responses.

I don't think I'm too close to my DD, or dependent on her, but yes, I do think it's harder for her to establish her own identity when she's been so close to me for so long.

I don't think she's depressed or anxious, but she did just change schools, so that may be stressing her out, although she says it's not.

I have taken away privileges, sleepovers, visits to friends, buying her things, trips to the mall, computer, etc. but it doesn't seem to make a long-lasting effect on her behavior.

DH was yelling at her this morning for her sassy mouth. He will not put up with it, whereas I ignore it and don't respond. She also fights ferociously with her brothers, and then a few minutes later will be playing amiably with one of them. I will try talking with her about it when I'm calm and she's in a good mood. Usually I talk with her about it when she's done something to make me angry, so the conversations never go well.

DD never has been my "friend." She's my DD and I'm her mother, and I've never depended upon her for anything. But I was used to her cheerful nature. Now her incessant crankiness is wearing me out. She'll only be home for a few more years, and I want to figure out how to make those as pleasant as possible.

[/quote]

OP, you sound very reasonable and like you have a good head on your shoulders, and a good idea what's going on.  As with a lot of things, you just need to keep trying things to see what works.  No one here really has a clue, as you can tell.  Try to go with your instincts, and see what will work.  It sounds like you're doing a great job so far.

It's very hurtful to go through this, so try to shield yourself emotionally as best you can.  Even if the next few years are rough, be assured that down the road your formerly sweet daughter will emerge eventually.  [/quote]

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