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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are so, so many stories about the strife between mothers and what I assume are daughters here. 
As a man, I have always been perplexed by the push and pull that seems to exist between daughters and moms. It's like they both thrive on making each other happy, and yet also thrive on making each other miserable. 
I have two brothers, a sister,  and a brother in law, and we have something in common: while we don't ignore our mothers and we love them, we give them attention on our terms not theirs. 
You know what the result is? For the men, our moms want to please us. They want more attention then we are willing to give, but they have come to accept that we aren't going to call every day. We aren't going to return texts with lightning speed. We aren't going to cave when our mothers try to guilt trip us.
My wife and sister, on the other hand, go out of their way to please our their respective mothers. They shower them with affection, they cater to their whims, they indulge them even when they are nasty, and they wind up wondering why our moms seem to crave the male's affection more than theirs. 
I wonder if anyone else sees this dynamic and, even moreso, if moms with both sons and daughters feel the same way about their boys[/quote]

This is not the win you think it is. None of you sound healthy. Healthy relationships don't involve guilt trips, caving, withholding attention, knowingly looking for someone to please you, catering to whims, indulgence, nastiness, etc.

[/quote]
I love all the pseudo scientists lol! WHo are you to say who is healthy or unhealthy? That's the type of mumbo jumbo that keeps people who think there is some sort of magic answer to interpersonal relationships running to therapists and second guessing themselves. People are people and all of us have our own quirks, are own positives , and our own negatives. Every once in a great while, you may encounter a person who everyone univerally feels sucks- take a Ted Bundy for example- but even he sat right next to one of the greatest true crime writers in America at a suicide prevention center and counseled people not to kill themselves. The irong was not lost on the writer, Ann Rule, who later wrote about it in The Stranger Beside Me, for all of the evil he did, he just may have talked someone off the ledge. The trick is to deal with others in a positive manner despite your own quirks and hangups and despite theirs. I know several people who call themselves "Life COaches"- a name you can call yourself with minimal or no training at all. All of the "Life COaches" I know who want to tell others how to live are an absolute mess. There is no protocol for healthy [/quote]

A psychopath who was able to demonstrate pro-social behaviors when he chose to is an interesting choice to make your point. And fwiw, if you’re OP, you’re the one who started the thread by teeing up your own relationship dynamics with you mother as if you have it all figured out, but are now complaining about pseudo scientists because someone disagrees with your hot take.[/quote]

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