Reply to Weird with neighbor since kids no longer hang out?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just smile and wave for now.

But also be careful. You sound so certain of your knowledge of the situation. I've been in the other side with a kid who pushed another kid. Do you know what happened before my daughter snapped? She was name called over multiple weeks. She was told she wasn't good enough to stick with the friend group and if she wanted to stay at the lunch table she needed to change her hair, clothes, start wearing makeup, stop being childish. My daughter reported some of these things to me and I eventually overheard some of it. The thing that made my daughter push the other girl was when she stooped to making fun of another "friend" from their childhood group who has significant disabilities. And then she was shamed out of the group. For a while she did struggle with making friends but eventually has started to find some more accepting kids.

So yes, I'm awkward when I see the other mom and avoid her. She knows about the pushing but I have a strong feeling she only knows a small fraction of the story.[/quote]
I have a daughter much like your own and I appreciate what you wrote. She has a very strong sense of justice. She’s remarked to me several times how grown-ups don’t notice rough things going on between kids. She can often look like the aggressor when she’s been holding it together for a very long time.  we are definitely working on other ways of being heard. Bullies do find the weakest link to push emotionally.

I hope that yours has found friends that are kinder now.

For OP I would suggest just addressing it directly. Tell her you miss her and invite her for a walk. She may not know how to break the ice.

[/quote]

Thanks for your response. From the outside the other girl looks perfect. But emotional bullying is probably an appropriate description of what happened. The pushing is the only part adults and most of the friend group saw or heard about, so it did make my daughter look like the aggressor.

I feel guilty that I minimized the self esteem damage of the comments my daughter was reporting to me before I happened to overhear some of it. She got over the neighbor girl but very much misses the other friends who have been turned against her.

Anyway, op's situation may be totally different but wanted to bring up the perspective that the other mom may be avoiding you to avoid getting angry or breaking down into tears.[/quote]

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