Reply to sharing care responsibilities with a sibling

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Who did your mom choose?[/quote]

Not sure I understand the question. She did not choose anyone and I am not sure that’s her choice to make. [/quote]

I understood. I am one of five, and have always been last in my mom's estimation. I could speculate as to why but the bottom line is she has been toxic to me in a way she was not to my other siblings. At this point, she (and my dad) are quite self-sufficient (at 78, she still works at a job she picked up in her 60s after a life of being a SAHM). I am dreading when someone will look to me to be helpful to her and hope at least it will be when my kids are out of the house.

In my DH's family, the most helpful sibling is the same sibling whose mortgage and kids' tuitions are being paid by the grandparents. There is a reason why she carries more of the burden.

Parents definitely choose favorites, and it plays into who is more helpful later.[/quote]

Absolutely agree.
[b]
Also OP, he isn't obigated to do ANYTHING at all.   Be grateful he is contributing financially.[/b][/quote]

Barring abuse or something, I find this attitude towards parents to be despicable. I'm not saying they have to live with you or it needs to be a situation where you are providing 24/7 care for a parent with dementia but you feel no obligation to help an aging parent at all??????

I had not a great relationship with my parents but I would not help them in whatever ways I could. [/quote]

Literally, there is no legal obligation for someone to care for an aging parent. The moral obligation is on a sliding scale. If your parents abused you criminally, you have zero obligation; if you parents were toxic in a way that continues, you might make some excuses for them and feel some obligation as long as carrying out those obligations doesn't come at the expense of your mental health or caring for your kids; if your parents half-assed parenting, you can try to find some grace but pretty much you can half-ass any obligation you might feel to them. It's all a matter of context.[/quote]

Thus my very first sentence . . . “Barring abuse or something.”

And i agree there’s no legal
obligation. But most definitely there is a moral a familial obligation. The US really sucks with re to how we view and treat the elderly. It’s, frankly, shameful. (And I also agree that there should be more options for families to support their elderly family). [/quote]

I think most people on this thread are disputing not whether there is a moral obligation to care for an elderly parent in need, but whether the 68 year old in question is really elderly and in need of such care.[/quote]

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