Reply to How to be married to an extreme avoidant?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I want to stay married because I believe coparenting with him would be worse than this.

We have kids.

I don’t believe he’d actually exercise his full visitation rights but I do believe on paper he’d want 50/50. He’d have the right to have the kids half the time.

Our communication is terrible now but I fear it would truly get even worse if we divorced because there wouldn’t be any goodwill left.

I just don’t know how to fix or improve things if he won’t talk to me or if he doesn’t tell the truth when he does.

[/quote]

This exactly.  You can't change him.  But unless your kids are older and can advocate for themselves, I would say wait for the 50/50.  Coparenting in separate households means you can't be there at all for your kids when he is being avoidant with them.  I am waiting because I think it's best for the kids if I do.  I am also not depressed anymore.  I can be in the same house and just live a separate life.  [/quote]

This, OP. DP. Stop expecting him to change. We can only change ourselves. When your kids are older and self sufficient enough, re-evaluate. Think of him as having a trauma based or mental health or attachment disability and work around it. Work on yourself to unpack your history and understand why you chose this. Trying to force therapy on this person is not going to help. Be the leader of the house, as if you were single. He will likely happily go along. Think of it as practice. [/quote]

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