Reply to Sibling rivalry, over CANCER????

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Sibling rivalry, over CANCER????"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry for your diagnosis.

I'd like to gently suggest that a lot of this might be your perception, in a difficult time, and not really anything intentional or wrong that your family is doing.  You didn't give anything specific on what people have said or done, other than a benign comment about medicine advancing.

Unless there is other complicating history or dynamics in your family, I would encourage you to just change the way you are thinking about this.  It may not be "sibling rivalry" so much as it is commiseration over shared experiences and noting the differences in those experiences.  Think of it like a formal support group- for cancer or anything else.  People have some things in common but there are differences in experiences and emotions that are discussed.[/quote]OP here
Isn't just about every interpersonal reaction about perception? There's no objective meters, to my knowledge. 
I've reminded sibling #1 that they had a different type of cancer profile, and physicians would throw more aggressive treatments at someone under 50 vs someone who's 60, but the comments keep coming. [b]I almost feel like it's reopening old wounds, the hair loss, the fear, the neuropathy which lasted for years.[/b]
When our first family members got ill, 35 and 23 yrs ago, there was not much to be done, both relatives perished in under 2 years. Sibling #1 was the first to survive, but the experience revealed the BRCA issue. 
[/quote]

Of course it is. How could it not be? It’s traumatic to experience that. A lot of people who go through traumatic medical events develop PTSD. Even if the treatment wasn’t awful, there’s the fact that the cancer could be deadly and they had to deal with that possibility. As you know now, that’s scary and traumatic as well. So yeah, it probably felt like a donkey kick to the gut when you announced your diagnosis and treatment plan, because now as well as reliving their own experiences, they’re worried about their sibling, plus the new round of cancer and treatment has probably reawakened the fear of their own cancers recurring. It also probably reinforces the fear of the genetic link to cancer and they’re worried about every other woman in their family-because apparently it’s far reaching in your family. Plus, your sister who had chemo might be a little afraid that you and your sister who aren’t getting chemo might be at risk for not getting it. Yeah treatments have changed, but you know she must’ve been told this was the only way to give her a shot at life, and she endured and survived. There might be jealousy, not the bad kind where she wishes you had to go through all the crap she had to, but the normal kind where anyone would wish they didn’t have to go through chemo.

That all seems normal to me. It doesn’t seem like rivalry or oneupmanship to me exactly. It just sounds like cancer sucks and they wish none of you had to deal with it or relive their own experiences. It’s also normal for you to feel disappointment if they’re not able to be supportive the way you need or the way you were for them, because they’re jaded by their own experiences. Sometimes people suck and it’s not even their fault, but just because they’re finished with treatment for now, they’re not really surely cancer is finished with them. I think everyone in the story is being driven by fear and anxiety, and that’s completely understandable.

I wish you all the best, and I hope you have a good network of friends who can be your support group. Your sisters may not have the capacity to help you the way you need. It sucks, but if you’re already disappointed with their responses, it’s probably best to change your expectations rather than hope they change their behaviors. [/quote]

Good post. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics