Reply to Sibling rivalry, over CANCER????

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Sibling rivalry, over CANCER????"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We're a BRCA family, and I'm the third sibling to be diagnosed with cancer
The first sibling was diagnosed 14 yrs ago, had pretty radical surgery, chemo, the works, a rough time
Second sibling, got diagnosed 5 months ago, had surgery only, and is still in watch mode
Now I've been diagnosed  last month and have surgery coming up, to be followed by oral medicine but not chemo
Sibling #1 seems [b]almost snippy[/b] that I won't have to get chemo. I don't know how to explain it, just multiple remarks that maybe that [b]sibling could have avoided chemo too if more modern options were out there[/b]. 
[b]Sibling #2's spouse[/b] seems upset too, like I timed my diagnosis to eclipse #2's attention, sibling #2 seems fairly normal for someone coping with crap/healing issues
I feel like shutting down the flow of info, like I can't really talk to the siblings who have gone through it/currently dealing with cancer, like it's upsetting sibling #1 in a PTSD kind of way
Should I just step back from both? WWYD
[/quote]

OP, I'm sorry for your diagnosis.

I'd like to gently suggest that a lot of this might be your perception, in a difficult time, and not really anything intentional or wrong that your family is doing.  You didn't give anything specific on what people have said or done, other than a benign comment about medicine advancing.

Unless there is other complicating history or dynamics in your family, I would encourage you to just change the way you are thinking about this.  It may not be "sibling rivalry" so much as it is commiseration over shared experiences and noting the differences in those experiences.  Think of it like a formal support group- for cancer or anything else.  People have some things in common but there are differences in experiences and emotions that are discussed.[/quote]
No need to gaslight OP and try to make her think she's imagining things.

OP, I get similar stuff from my family.  For instance when I was having my first baby, my OB sent me to the hospital to be induced.  I called my mom because she wanted to drive up to meet her first grandbaby.  When I got to the hospital they decided to send me home and not induce me.  I called my mom right away and said false alarm.  She was furious with me, like I had done something to her.  It was bizarre as she had only driven about 15 minutes from home.  She then chewed me out extensively, even though the whole medical issue i was having was high blood pressure and the doctors had asked me to take it easy.  She knew that and still kept yelling at me.  It made absolutely no sense, just like it makes no sense that your sibling is snippy that you don't need chemo.

I've put a lot of distance between myself and my family because of this sort of stuff.  I don't feel safe telling them stuff as I never know how they'll react.  I don't feel I can rely on them.  There's just too much family baggage, including a ton of sibling rivalry, for them to treat me objectively, let alone in a loving way.  It really hurts, but that's where they are and I just continue to get hurt if I expect their love and support.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics