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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So my therapist calls it benign neglect. My mom wasn't trying to be neglectful, she just worked and wasn't that interested in us kids. Now that she's old and infirm, I've kind of given up. I think that I've mostly grieved having that mother that I needed, but I guess time will tell when she's gone. [/quote]

This is not a good term for it. Benign means harmless. Neglect is harmful.

I have struggled with the idea of accountability on this issue. My parents were abusive and neglectful (hitting, yelling, emotional abuse, emotional neglect, but we were always fed and had a middle class life financially). I know a lot of it was because they also had abusive parents, and they had children very young and didn't really know how to change that pattern.

But also... You can change the pattern. I'm a mom now and while I'm far from perfect, I don't abuse my kids and they know I love them and we have a strong bond. I'm so glad I've been able to do this, and it's healing in some ways. But it also highlights for me that [b]it IS a choice. They may not have meant to do it, but they didn't try hard enough to do differently[/b].[/quote]

Same, PP. I’ve realized the same thing. My parents could’ve done better and no they didn’t “do the best they could” as so many family members tell me. [/quote]

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