Reply to Can teens with strict(ish) parents maintain friendships with teens with more permissive parents?

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[quote=Anonymous]I think it's mostly about setting boundaries you can actually enforce - ie they are not allowed to do x in your house and need to be home by y time, etc. You really cannot say they aren't allowed to do certain things at friends' houses or out elsewhere because you aren't there. With that, I would focus more on teaching your kids what is safe behavior and what is risky, but remaining open so that they can tell you what they have been doing without feeling judged. It is not easy and isn't going to work perfectly, but it seems to me that the goal is to be a reliable and caring parent they know they can trust by setting appropriate boundaries that you can enforce and being available to them as the caring parent who is not going to fly off the handle of you find out they do other things outside your presence. The goal is for them to learn to make good choices because you can't be there all the time - not for them to be afraid of consequences.

I do think it's hard because teens already feel a lot of unfairness in life, and seeing that other friends can do things they can't is super hard. But it doesn't mean you need to change your rules (although assessing them to be sure they are still age-appropriate periodically is important, too). Whether your kid keeps those friendships or not is up to them - not you.[/quote]

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