Reply to Best way to handle family member coming out?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you everyone. Extremely helpful.

Does this same advice hold for his cousins who are around his age. They may look to me for best thing to say/do. Would texts of support from all help, or less the better and they just carry on hanging out?  I am not sure if my nephew will announce it to them or assume they already know. I hear people say just follow his lead. [/quote]

His cousins around his age are not going to care.  Please don’t try to coach them.  If they joke with him, please let it go.  Teens these days see changing preferences all the time and are much better equipped than you are to roll with it and make him comfortable.[/quote]

This. If he finds out this is going on, it’s also going to seem like you’re gossiping about him, which would be true. That might also be part of the problem if you’re saying “we already knew.” If enough people say “I already knew,” or if anyone says “we already knew” it will feel like you guys are sitting around deciding his sexuality for him. It doesn’t mean you’re aware or knowledgeable, it means you’re nosy.

I think you should stick to the basics with your response, don’t overdo it by saying you know him better than he knows himself or that you and other family members are discussing his private life, and let the younger generation handle it the way they handle it. It’s not about manners, where older generations may have the upper hand. It’s about love and acceptance and changing norms. They could’ve probably given you some pointers about why not to say you already knew, but you don’t want to be gossiping. if you’re close, maybe ask them how they’d handle certain relevant conversations after this situation passes, not as a coach to them but to get some fresh perspective. [/quote]

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