Reply to Do many/most people go through marital problems in their forties and fifties?

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Reply to "Do many/most people go through marital problems in their forties and fifties?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Realistically, this is probably the first time you’re witnessing what marriages actually look like.  As a child, you didn’t understand / see them for what they really are (how could you have?)

What happened to happily ever after?  Did it ever exist?  I’ve talked to long married women in their 70s /80s.  They describe “rough patches” that lasted YEARS…[/quote]

+100

People were less likely to divorce and 'weathered the storm".

One person in a marriage can create a world of trouble.  It just takes one partner to hit a bad midlife crisis--lots of times directly stemming from their own child dysfunction in which these repressed means of coping and behaving don't really come out or be seen until their kids hit the age they were when they experienced--parents cheating/leaving, alcohol abuse, toxicity, violence, etc.

Or- it's just complete immaturity and selfishness as they hit midlife and realize they have more years behind them than in front of them.

Some people do make it through the rough patches (years) and come out the other side in marriage 2.0 and happy.  I had a happy childhood but I remember the stress my parents had with three teens, one (my brother) particularly drawn to trouble and the strain it put on them--my mom and dad both said some of the happiest times in their marriage were the 10 years following empty nest (and the early years of course).  They traveled and had fun and just seemed so relaxed and in love in the later years--and loving on their grandkids.

In this day and age--less people know that long marriages have peaks and valleys and its a journey.  The peaks can rise higher after each valley and what feels like 'the end' at one point is often very temporary in a 50+ year marriage. I had healthy role models for marriage and was even told during my engagement by numerous relatives that there will be times (though I won't believe it now) I might not even want to look at my spouse ...lol...that they will p*ss me off and vice versa, etc.--but it is temporary. I think all of that is true--barring the cases of abuse, addiction, etc. where it is harmful.[/quote]

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