Reply to Having a baby to cement marriage

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Reply to "Having a baby to cement marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous]
OP, ask yourself why you feel the marriage needs "cementing."

Maybe you're just someone who loves the baby stage, and getting married is making you nostalgic for the whole newly-married-with-sweet-baby phase. But both you and he have had those times and if you try to recreate them as an older couple with an infant, you will quickly remember the not as sweet parts of that time.

If you're thinking, "But! I know so much more about babies and kids now! It wouldn't be as hard as the first time around!" etc. -- please step back from the emotion and look at this with the coolest objectivity you can muster.

Do the math re: how old your DH and you will be when you have a toddler; an elementary kid; a high schooler. What if either you or he develops health issues, even relatively minor but chronic ones? I'm sure you'll say you're both healthy now, so why worry? Well, are you really aware of how difficult and expensive health care is? Are you going to navigate that while also figuring out which pediatrician is best?

Do the math re: Savings for you and DH to retire without any financial stress.

Do the math re: How old your own [i]already existing[/i] kids and his [i]already existing[/i] kids (and grandkids?!) will be when you and he are chasing that toddler, volunteering at school, figuring out how to send your high schooler to college. You will both have far less time for your existing families.

And think: Have you [i]really[/i] anticipated things like having a child who ends up with physical or developmental issues? Those can strain a marriage and even break it, and are, to be blunt, extremely costly. There goes your future growing old with your DH as retirees, or traveling, etc. If your reaction to my statement is "But we'd love and look after that child too" -- that's noble but you need a hard reality check.

It's worrying that you say he'd "go along with" this idea just to please you. He should be either totally or firmly against it. One doesn't "go along with" creating a new life which must be cared for, for at least 18 years. Especially when you've already had children. Break free of your association of marriage with childbearing. If you can't, don't marry until you have done some therapy or couples counseling. [/quote]

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