Reply to How much effort towards your appearance does your spouse expect?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do people really have talks about their appearance expectations for their spouses? WTF?

And how are you folks going to react to the normal sagging and things that come along with aging? Or what about medical problems? I had 3 major surgeries in a 12-mos. period a few years back. My DH had to change my multiple surgical drains. I have large scars all over my body. Nothing can be done with those. Will those of you fixated on looks (I'm otherwise fairly attractive but scarred and some extra weight in the ensuing years) just dump someone like that? How would you react?

Life happens folks. I get looks are important but they are not something that lasts. [/quote]

+1 to this reality check, and to this PSA about how we cannot control [i]every[/i]thing. When it comes to illness, injury and normal aging, we may not be able to control [i]any[/i]thing. I really wonder sometimes about whether people truly understand that they will not only age, they and their spouses -- even the thin, eat-healthy, workout spouses -- may end up with medical issues. I am NOT saying, just stop being healthy, it's useless; I'm saying, appreciate your health rather than focusing on "My spouse expects X type of effort about my appearance, and I expect X type of effort on my spouse's part."

I see this type of "my spouse expects me to be thin," "I should wear makeup for my spouse," "My spouse gained weight and now I have zero interest in them" posts on DCUM fairly frequently. They make me despair at how shallow the roots of some relationships seem to be. I wear makeup at times because I want to, when going out. I lost a lot of weight because I was tired of feeling sluggish, not because my spouse expected it (and he regularly says he finds me appealing at any size or shape). Same for him: I don't care that he's gained weight, I care that he's got some health conditions. He would, like PP's DH, stay with me and change my surgical drains if I had them, and I'd do the same for him. But I think a lot of people on DCUM would start an exit in the same circumstances, though, based on years of reading the relationships forum, where appearances and "maintenance" are expectations. [/quote]

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