Reply to Crowdsource: what is your response if your teen says something truly awful?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You should rehearse a canned response so that you have it ready, and then address it at a later time when you both are calm. [b]Your main goal here is to make sure they understand that it is not okay to be abusive to people that you love. That’s the life lesson you need to impart. [/b]

Once you have time and are both calm enough to discuss it, you revisit the issue and say that it was unacceptable. Have them explain what set them off and then come up with better ways to handle it next time.

If they did something totally outrageous in your home, like taking all the food out of the refrigerator and throwing it on the floor, I imagine you would have major consequences for that, so treat this the same way. Discuss, then impart the consequence. Logically, it should be them doing extra chores to repay you for hurting your feelings. And be sure to mention that while everyone struggles with strong feelings, they need to be age-appropriate about expressing themselves. [/quote]

This is the goal which is why I don't believe in ignoring this behavior, but remembering that teens can be irrational and impulsive is important too.

My kids don't speak to me this way. But if they get lippy I'll start saying stuff like, "I don't know who you think you're talking to, but it's not me," and then I tell them to get themselved together and try again. Granted, I'm likely hot when this goes down so I know I'm using an authoritative voice in response. [/quote]

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