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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can’t turn a blind eye any longer - never would have thought it but after 30yrs of a happy and peaceful marriage, 2 grown kids, yep, you guessed it. Feels like he’d be happy to coast along into the sunset with this chick on the side (also married, kids - a work colleague). I think it’s recently moved from emotional affair/work cheerleader to physical. Confrontation will be so painful, esp as he will deny and i will have to bring out sordid proof.

Obv i don’t want to - can’t - live like this.  But everything from finances to the cat is so intertwined - we’ve built such a nice life - though it now feels like it’s on sand.  Also don’t want to be alone…

Any stories from DCUM on a) how best to confront; b) getting past something like this; and/or c) post-divorce finding another partner at an advanced age? :-)

Thank you for listening. [/quote]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been in similar shoes in the last couple of years (married 20 years, 2 teenagers). My biggest piece of advice is don't do anything too quickly. Let everything sink in. Do not tell close friends/family what is happening, because if you two decide to work through it, relationships will never be the same (I'm dealing with this now). Talk to a therapist.

I've also come to realize I'm "co-dependent", which sounds like you may be as well. I regret giving up my career to raise our kids because my life revolves around my husband and kids now and I'm scared to be on my own. Now I'm looking at restarting my career at 50.

If you don't already, find something for yourself - for me it is tennis. I feel good about myself and have made a great group of new girlfriends.

When I did confront him, I left proof on his desk because I knew he would deny it. Then I kicked him out of the house because I wanted time and space to think. We ended up going to therapy and trying to work through things for the kids but I'll never trust him.

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