Reply to How should I advise DD on these “mean girl” friendships?

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Reply to "How should I advise DD on these “mean girl” friendships? "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is a division of the cooler prettier girls during the teen years.

I remember going to middle school and I had a good friend drop me for the cool popular crowd. I made new friends who were equally pretty and nice but we didn’t hang out with boys. The friend who acted like she no longer knew me was basically recruited by the cool boys. I never thought of my friend as mean. [/quote]

Parents who present the kids who go off with popular friends or find a new group as "mean" are genuinely missing an opportunity.  Friendships shift.  People grow apart.  Sometimes we might like it and sometimes we might not.  It's part of life.  Do teen girls always handle it the best way they could?  Nope.  So talk about that.  But really it is normal for friendships to change so teach your kids to be resilient and move on with as much grace as possible.[/quote]

Please. Giggling and whispering while looking at a former best friend, w[b]hom you suddenly completely ignore for no good reason[/b], is not "people growing apart" and "friendship changing". It is bullying. And with so many mothers unable to see it for it is, no wonder it's rampant.
[/quote]

Did anyone read this part...

Do teen girls always handle it the best way they could?  Nope.  So talk about that.

They are not suddenly ignoring them for no good reason TO THEM.  In their middle school brain, being cool is really important.  Don't shame them for it.  Talk to them about it.  Is being popular "real"?  Not really.  Does it feel good in the moment?  Sure and why.  Is it going to last?  Probably not.  What is actually important in a friendship?  What are you willing to do to be or stay popular?  How does that feel?  Are you even having any fun?

I still think a lot of you are just missing an opportunity for conversation and have black and white thinking.  Most of our kids are going to be both on the receiving and giving end of this type of crap.[/quote]

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