Reply to How should I advise DD on these “mean girl” friendships?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is a division of the cooler prettier girls during the teen years.

I remember going to middle school and I had a good friend drop me for the cool popular crowd. I made new friends who were equally pretty and nice but we didn’t hang out with boys. The friend who acted like she no longer knew me was basically recruited by the cool boys. I never thought of my friend as mean. [/quote]

Parents who present the kids who go off with popular friends or find a new group as "mean" are genuinely missing an opportunity.  Friendships shift.  People grow apart.  Sometimes we might like it and sometimes we might not.  It's part of life.  Do teen girls always handle it the best way they could?  Nope.  So talk about that.  But really it is normal for friendships to change so teach your kids to be resilient and move on with as much grace as possible.[/quote]

Excluding a friend for no reason, giving dirty looks, and whispering/giggling about someone in front of them is NOT "growing apart." Do better and teach better. OP, I'm so sorry, my 13 yo DD has had more than her fare share of this since 5th grade and she's so worn down and deflated by it. She has acquaintances at school she eats lunch with but all of her real friends are at her sport and don't even go to her school. Its so sad for her. Frankly, the "cool" group at her school basically all seem to be frenemies with each other. They seem to be constantly falling in/out of favor with one another, excluding/including different people in group chats and activities and someone is always mad. I know DD in some ways wishes she were included, but the drama seems horrific to me. I'm just sad she can't seem to find a nice low drama group. [/quote]

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