Reply to Struggling getting 4 year old to cooperate

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You talk about “telling her a million times” and “making threats”, but you don’t talk about what consequences you give her when she doesn’t comply.  If all you’re doing is talking, then it doesn’t matter if you threaten her a million times because she knows you won’t follow through.

If that’s the case, then sometime when things are calm (not at bath time) sit her down and explain that you will now be enforcing consequences, and then do so.  At bath time, you might give her a 5-minute heads up if she’s doing something else (“Five minutes until bath, wrap it up”), then tell her when it’s time for bath.  If she’s uncooperative, remind her of the consequence, and if she doesn’t comply, give the consequence. If (like with my strong-willed child), she remains defiant, then impose another consequence until you find one that matters to her.  If you have to make a list of lost privileges to keep track, do so.

On the other hand, find some time when she’s not in trouble to give her a treat, stressing that you love her and want to do nice things for her, but you can’t when she misbehaves.

Things may get worse for a while before they get better.  She’s going to test whether you’re really committed or will give up.  Be consistent and follow through every time.

[/quote]

Op here. Thanks again to all for the responses. Can you please tell me some of the consequences you use? I’m struggling with what are appropriate consequences.

With the bath stalling, we will tell her she is losing time to read and snuggle after bath (which she loves). I hate losing that time because it’s my favorite time too! There’s always the threat of no tv or treats, but I’ve read consequences need to be more immediate, not something she’d lose the following evening.

We talk a lot about helping each other as a family but I don’t think she honestly cares too much about that. 😂[/quote]

One of the reasons I would personally change the schedule in your situation is to put bath time in front of an immediate, logical consequence you're fully on board with imposing. Like missing game time before dinner, or something like that. You're going to have to impose that consequence and then STILL force the bath for at least a few days - be prepared. I imagine your child will scream and tantrum. I'd probably just say something like "we're staying in the bathroom until you're ready to take a bath" and then calmly block the door. Make sure you move everything breakable from the room before. You can obviously intervene physically for hitting or ripping stuff off the wall. But otherwise, you are an immoveable though empathetic boulder against which your child will rage for a while. As soon as they're done raging, you have the bath and move on. I would be standing there calmly like an absolute psychopath saying "wow, you're so mad, you really really don't want to take a bath. We have to take a bath even if you don't want to, because you need to be clean to stay healthy. Let me know when you're ready."

Is this good parenting? Honestly I don't care, I just want to get to sleep and have my kid grow up to be semi-functional. This would be my strategy because in my family, it would be the most effective. Although I started doing this way before 4 and now my kid gets upset and defiant, for sure, but rarely challenges my authority on something like this for long because she knows I'm immoveable. So probably she just has an easy personality and none of this will work for you. Good luck! [/quote]

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