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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We created a spreadsheet with how much we have saved and the cost of tuition/room/board at each school - and the gap between the two. We can float about an additional 5-7k/year (we have twins) but anything above that has to come from merit/loans. We were very clear, we didn't want them to graduate from undergrad with $$$$$ loans.

In the end, they selected an instate school that wasn't their #1, but I think they will be happy/fine. I think they would have loved their #1 (didn't go for a visit after they didn't give them any merit.)[/quote]

We did this too - told them how much we could afford between 529 and cash flow, and that we would not allow them to go into debt for undergrad.  And, left it up to them.  One is AR an OOS flagship with merit, and one is at a SLAC with merit[/quote]
+1 yep. We told DC#1 to create a spreadsheet with the cost and app deadlines and acceptance notifications.  DC#1 is level headed about finances.

We've told DC#2 to do the same with the spreadsheets. However, DC #2 is like OP's DC, including the anxiety and depression.

DC seems to think they will be fine far away.  They said they wanted to go as far from me as possible because I nag them too much. I nag them about preparing for college (now a sophomore), studying for their APs, and keeping their room tidy. I don't expect top tier, or straight As, but I expect them to try their best.  Still, that's too much because of their anxiety.  DC has panic attacks off and on, and they come seeking me out in the middle of the night.  When I ask DC about their panic attacks and living far from home, they seem to think they'll be fine.

I've told DC many times how much OOS and privates costs.

They are delusional.  They seem to think they will be getting merit aid with their not so top scores and grades.  They took a practice PSAT and got like 1200 or something.   They took two AP tests last year and got a 2 and 3.  I've offered to pay for tutoring, but they are adamant that they can do it on their own.

I'm at a loss on how to bring DC down from their delusions.   We've had a few arguments about studying for their AP tests coming up.  My spouse thinks we should just let them fail, but I think college is too important to let them fail.

And yes, DC is in therapy.  I don't think it's helping.[/quote]

DP.  This sounds a bit like mine (down to getting me up at night for a nightmare), though the worst of it was middle school, and a therapist did help.  Mine has ADHD, so a therapist dealing with that was a key part of helping the anxiety.

Anyway,  what helped us is to lay it all out. For us, money is a factor with admissions.  I explained to her fresh and soph years that even to get in our state flagship required X. To get in the tier of schools that would give us need aid required even more effort,  and other schools where she would need merit would likely be unaffordable if she didn't do well enough to get max merit.
I essentially said "Hope you like Towson or UMBC. "  Nothing wrong with these schools of course,  but that made the picture more clear for her and motivated her.
She also initially wanted to go to the west coast to do her own thing, but after she did a 2 week environmental science experience,  she changed her tune. Maybe you DD could do a summer program and see how that goes. 
As for tutors, we went rounds and it helped when she selected the tutor.
For us, listening and humor helped me remind her that she really doesn't want to push me away. We're at a great place now. 
Now, we're through it all. Her efforts have paid off, and she is off to her top choice in the Fall. Good luck to yours.[/quote]

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