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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This was me when I was your daughter's age. I remember once when we were out of town, our alarm system was triggered and the police came and they called my parents and told them one room had been "ransacked." It hadn't -- that was just my room. I had unrecognized/untreated ADD. I literally could not clean it. My mother would stand over me yelling, and I could not do it -- I didn't have the executive function to do it and felt overwhelmed.

I did hate my room; the cluttered space cluttered my brain even more. My apartment was like this much of the time in my early 20s. Somehow in my 30s, I got better at keeping my space livable, and I'm not even sure how it happened. Having a lot more space helps. Having a DH that helps me put things away helps.

At your daughter's age I could have used a lot of help. Given what you have posted, it looks like you are madly cleaning it all for her when it is out of control. I'm trying to think of what might have helped me, and I think getting support every day is it. If you have a good relationship with her (but it sounds like maybe it's challenging?) you could spend time together each night ordering things a bit. Set a timer for 15 mins and work together. If she won't respond well to you working with her, set a goal (all of the clean clothes folded, or all of the dishes taken to the kitchen, or whatever) and give her the 15 min timer for herself, and then when it is over she gets a reward. She can make a list of little rewards to choose from and then you can give them when she is done. But it should be clear that she can't skip it just because she doesn't care about the reward that night. You need to make it clear -- without anger and without shaming her -- that the state of her room has literally put the family in jeopardy, and that it has to be addressed as a family.

Good luck. I feel for her. It was so hard. I look back at my teenage self in that room piled with crap, and I want to go hug her and tell her it will be alright. [/quote]

I'm this PP, and I just want to add that a lot of the posts here are about hoarding. My room as a teenager was a disaster, like a tornado went through it, not because of hoarding at all, it was just ADD and the resulting inability to organize things. Even now I can scrub the bathroom, dust everywhere, vacuum, stuff like that -- but it is almost impossible for me to fold and put my clothes away. Even putting dishes away from the dishwasher is challenging enough that I'd rather spend an hour cleaning the rest of the kitchen than the 5 minutes it takes to put dishes away. It's hard to explain to people who don't have this problem. But for me, I had piles of clothes all over the floor because I had a lot of clothes and couldn't pick them up and organize them -- not because I was hoarding.

Not saying your DD doesn't have hoarding tendencies, I'm just saying that the PPs here jumping to that conclusion are not necessarily right.

To the PP whose son is vacuuming his room at college, my eyes welled up with tears when I read that. I don't even know him and I'm so proud of him and happy for him. Good for you for supporting him and teaching him to take care of his space. I wish I'd had that support. [/quote]

I am similar to you, PP and  have had to learn strategies. People are saying hoarding because of things like bugs in the room, food in the room, etc.

OP, talk to ex, see if he will take her. Her issues are not likely to be resolved quicky and your other kids are at risk as is your job. Troubled teen has a LOT of power to destroy several people's lives, be strategic. If ex will not take her do you have any family nearby that might?

The show Hoarders has a lot of tips on their site, OP you don't really have time to go down that road, but for others...one example.

https://www.aetv.com/shows/hoarders/pictures/matt-paxtons-tips-for-decluttering/1-messy-bedroom

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