Reply to Teens bedroom is a health hazard but teen won't clean it. CPS breathing down my neck. Wtd?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a single mom to four. My three other kids are perfectly healthy and no concern. My teen however has a lot of issues.

She will not keep her room clean ever. Under any circumstances. There is rotting food, bugs, clothes everywhere. Her room makes me feel physically ill to walk into.

She herself is very clean so I don't really understand it.

I go in monthly and scrub it down. I struggle to do it more than that.

Unfortunately she also isn't embarrassed and invited a friend over who in turn told her parents who then reported it to CPS. I'm assuming there may have been other reports.

Last week I had a social worker ask to look around. She saw my daughters room and told me it was a hazard to her health and it needs to be cleaned. Basically they'll continue checking in to make sure it's suitable. I tried explaining my daughters behaviour but all she said was it is my "duty of care".

I cleaned it immediately after. Within a week it was full of shit again. I had to call in sick at work to clean it again.

Her room is awful again and I got a call saying they're stopping by on Monday. I plan on cleaning it again on Sunday.

I don't know what to say to them to make them understand that I'm trying but I just can't get to her. She is in therapy (where she just sits in silence), I've sent her to weekend boot camps, I've offered to do it with her, I've taken things away - she tells me she hates me but thats it.

My youngest is sobbing every night because she thinks CPS is going to take her away. She's back in my bed because she won't sleep elsewhere.

What can I say or do here? My oldest keeps telling me to send her to their dads (he is the same with mess, hence me leaving him)[b] but I feel like that's condoning her[/b].[/quote]

There are a lot of good suggestions here, OP. I hope you find some that are useful.

However, if nothing changes, I would encourage you to look more closely at the language you are using here. If nothing works, then she is "getting away with it" anyway, right? This may not be something you can force a fix on, at least right now.

I'd refocus on maintaining an open door in the relationship and protecting the kids you can protect. Fighting her on this on a regular basis is going to lead to her leaving as soon as she can anyway, and with a chip on her shoulder. "Condoning" or not isn't nearly as important as making sure you stay on talking terms and can be there when she needs you to turn to.

I'm sorry this is hard. It is really hard. You are trying.[/quote]

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