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Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities
Reply to "SN parents - do you ever feel safe?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Life isn't safe. You may suffer from anxiety [/quote] This comment is so so mean. Yes, OP, I feel the same way as you. Yes, I think it is appropriate when the actual things are happening as you describe. Look, any of us could also be suffering from anxiety but that does not take away from the legitimate concerns we may have about the safety of our SN child.[/quote] I don't think the PP was wrong. I used to feel the same way as OP until finding and working with a great therapist. She really helped me to face the fact that all humans face the types of challenges that my child may face and my child's disabilities don't exempt them from this. And it's not realistic for me to see my role as a parent as being about preventing them from encountering bad things in the world. And now that I've moved past that mindset, everything is so much easier. [/quote] And I say this as a parent of a largely nonverbal child with serious intellectual disabilities and so is particularly vulnerable. [/quote] Ok but I think it is fair to have particular concerns in light of how poorly so many institutions (schools, etc) act with respect to meeting the needs of our children. Yes, other children can be at risk because schools, etc are incompetent but special needs children face elevated risk. [b]Such concerns are fair and appropriate and not just the result of an anxiety disorder.[/b] [/quote] NP. Agree that you can have anxiety AND reasonable concerns about your SN child's safety. OP, when my child was young there were a few places I felt he was safe. One was a fantastic preschool. They just got it. I still remember one day I left him there and he was sobbing as a teacher put him in her lap and another child fetched his favorite book. I *smiled* as I walked to my car because I knew they could handle it and me leaving him and allowing them to help him through his upset about the transition was the best thing for him. But before that preschool was the terrible preschool with the lazy, idiotic director and the teachers who ignored my kid for hours at a time (I know because I hired a consultant to observe and they even did it when she was there). Nothing irreversible happened while he was there but I got him out ASAP because the level of risk was too high. Now my kid is a teen. Balancing safety with opportunity to mature and learn new things has been the biggest challenge of parenting him. He has an older NT brother so I know you have to do this for NT kids as well, but the world is set up for NT people, and my NT kid has more skills, so every decision feels less fraught. I don't see a therapist regularly but I have checked in with professionals around major life decisions to make sure they don't think I'm crazy. For example, I decided to homeschool starting in middle school mostly for "safety" and two different psychologists said that is what they would recommend if our family could swing it financially. But we also talked about other ways my kid could have experiences with peers/others outside the home. Usually for new stuff I'm nervous when it starts, but after a few times it feels "safe enough". Sometimes activities are "safe" but he ends up just not liking or benefiting from them much, so we let go of them to have more time for new things. Anyway. I think I understand what you mean and it's a very reasonable question.[/quote]
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