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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sometimes I think there is really something wrong with me. My father was a great person. He grew up in poverty, worked incredibly hard, and gave me and my sisters and my mom a really nice life. He loved and cared about us. He died the day before Christmas in 2021 at the age of 89 and it was a huge relief, as he had been in very bad shape for 18 months. Two of my three sisters had also died in the years leading up to that. I continue to feel a lot of pain from losing my sisters at pretty young ages (42 and 53), even years later. But losing my father did not change my life--other than now I have to deal with my mother and my one remaining sister, whom I love but is a huge pain in the butt, all by myself. I just accept death, especially of parents and especially when they're old, as a natural part of life. I miss him, but I just never understand people who act like it's tragic and like it should rock my world. Seriously, is there something wrong with me?[/quote]

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. When someone lives a good, long life and declines and suffers in their later years, much if not all of the mourning can happen while they are still alive. In real ways you had already lost your father-- especially if you had traded places and were in a caregiving role.

My MIL died recently at age 95, after several years of decline and debility. Overseeing her care was a big responsibility and took an enormous amount of time, and it was so hard to see her so helpless and in pain. I think DH mostly feels relief at her passing (although I think a part of him thought she'd live forever-- she had rallied thru so many bad situations).

Don't be hard on yourself.[/quote]

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